Heather Romero-Kornblum

How do you leave the city that gave you your name? (circa 2020)

For San Francisco

You found me in tatters

beyond tatters –

because my shreds didn’t even know 

they belonged inside a body

When you found me,

I mourned everything

from feathers that flew off of birds

to spiders I cleaned out of the safety of their webs

I thought that we would grow old together

you and I

It was in your hills I realized I could heal

That I was a person entitled to life

It was through the screeches of muni-buses

and sandy winds

that I realized I had senses

That I was entitled in as many words as I wanted,

to describe the visceral flowings of emotion

How do you leave the city that gave you life?

The city that never grew sick of you?

The city that told you more so than anywhere else, that you belong?

How do you leave the city that gave you your name?

I wrote of jasmine-scented walks guiding me home

and fog so thick I couldn’t see the turn onto Portola,

heading over Twin Peaks

I wrote of drizzles

and steel drums

Birth

And separation

I wrote of names,

umbilical cords,

tasting of meatballs

and losing one’s faith and being okay with it

Leaving you feels like leaving my words behind

the poem portraits I formed

Leaving you feels like losing my name

I search for metaphors of growth in my mind

I think of nests

and hatched birds

pollen blowing off of flowers

I wonder 

if this is what it feels like

to have a name

that you don’t need to leave behind

That will follow

I know that if I get to keep my name

then I will get to keep my words

If I get to keep my words

then I get to keep you as inspiration

As such,

I thank you 

for naming me

I thank you for making me something capable

of giving life 

and naming things

Return to Sender

I think of you 

burying me

the wife you once wanted

hair leafy willows

lips paper and velvet

earth dust my warpaint

hands across my chest

gurgles my song

as I shimmer down a river

lighter than the life

I didn't want to carry

Kaleidoscope

Like painting in the darkness avocado

Green mixed with pink I pour it so

Through needles into banana yellow

I remotely control affairs of the heart 

Window to my soul, lover of my art

Cat beguiled unknown where to start

Better on paper than in a vase

Framed in a picture prettier than those

Who stay far away but remain close

Pillowy love breaks my shell

Blows filtered air through my hell

Table this discussion for the last knell