How do you leave the city that gave you your name? (circa 2020)
For San Francisco
You found me in tatters
beyond tatters –
because my shreds didn’t even know
they belonged inside a body
When you found me,
I mourned everything
from feathers that flew off of birds
to spiders I cleaned out of the safety of their webs
I thought that we would grow old together
you and I
It was in your hills I realized I could heal
That I was a person entitled to life
It was through the screeches of muni-buses
and sandy winds
that I realized I had senses
That I was entitled in as many words as I wanted,
to describe the visceral flowings of emotion
How do you leave the city that gave you life?
The city that never grew sick of you?
The city that told you more so than anywhere else, that you belong?
How do you leave the city that gave you your name?
I wrote of jasmine-scented walks guiding me home
and fog so thick I couldn’t see the turn onto Portola,
heading over Twin Peaks
I wrote of drizzles
and steel drums
Birth
And separation
I wrote of names,
umbilical cords,
tasting of meatballs
and losing one’s faith and being okay with it
Leaving you feels like leaving my words behind
the poem portraits I formed
Leaving you feels like losing my name
I search for metaphors of growth in my mind
I think of nests
and hatched birds
pollen blowing off of flowers
I wonder
if this is what it feels like
to have a name
that you don’t need to leave behind
That will follow
I know that if I get to keep my name
then I will get to keep my words
If I get to keep my words
then I get to keep you as inspiration
As such,
I thank you
for naming me
I thank you for making me something capable
of giving life
and naming things
Return to Sender
I think of you
burying me
the wife you once wanted
hair leafy willows
lips paper and velvet
earth dust my warpaint
hands across my chest
gurgles my song
as I shimmer down a river
lighter than the life
I didn't want to carry
Kaleidoscope
Like painting in the darkness avocado
Green mixed with pink I pour it so
Through needles into banana yellow
I remotely control affairs of the heart
Window to my soul, lover of my art
Cat beguiled unknown where to start
Better on paper than in a vase
Framed in a picture prettier than those
Who stay far away but remain close
Pillowy love breaks my shell
Blows filtered air through my hell
Table this discussion for the last knell
